At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
