I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
