I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
