Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
