i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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