Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He shit in the fireplace
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