Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
