happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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