ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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