I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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