thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
