last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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