you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
