I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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