I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
