I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
