um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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