I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
