Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
