You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
