Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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