u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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