Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
