Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
