Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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