i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
