I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
