see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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