Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
