I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
