I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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