Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize