You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Randomize
