my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
