She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
