I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
