So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
