i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
