go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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