is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
