My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
