thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
