the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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