I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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