you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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