Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
