dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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