I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
