Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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