remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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