I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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