Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
