Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize