apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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