when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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