i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
