my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
