You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
