Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
