I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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