areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
