I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
