is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize