You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
