Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
