my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
