ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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