The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
