hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
