At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
