we made out on top of his cat.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
