your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
