He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
