I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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