community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
