I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
