I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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