Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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