yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
