Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize