Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
