My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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