In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
