Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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