I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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