i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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