singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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