I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
