Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
