it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
