When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
