you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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