So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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